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see_jack_top
09 April 2009 @ 08:56 pm
It's something I've given a lot of thought. It was always something I had trouble with (giving it out, that is), especially with bri the first time we got into this dynamic - now I have a better understanding of why. In my naivete and lack of experience, I didn't know how to separate kink from discipline, and this was a problem, as bri is both extremely well-behaved and an incurable masochist. The end result was that he'd sometimes act out with the clear intent of being "punished", but as a result those punishments couldn't really mean anything, and I never felt right giving them out.

I will say this much: I still don't ever want to have to punish my pet. I would if it was required, if he did something deliberately against the rules or was disrespectful (I'm not about to punish for innocent mistakes; in that case I'd try to correct the behavior via a little steering first, and only resort to "punishing" if it continued.) But it's not a good feeling, for either party.

Instead, I have decided it makes much more sense to separate physical "punishment" from actual discipline. And considering what a masochist my boy is, the physical stuff is more likely to given as a reward. Try explaining that one... "I cooked dinner for Him last night, and then He hit me..." "Oh no! Did you burn it or something?" "No, He said it was delicious and I'd earned it."

Heheh.

So in sum: pet, be good and I'll kick your ass for it!
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see_jack_top
08 April 2009 @ 02:02 am
*Something* has gotten into the two of us lately. I dunno. The changing of the seasons? Ah, spring, when a young man's fancy turns to deep-throating and steel collars...

ahem.
I'm not quite sure where this came from. To be completely honest, I was not the most dominant person when we started out. Hell, I'm still not, in most contexts. In a conflict, I tend to look for compromise and agreement, even if that means conceding my point on things. But when it comes to the boy, things get very different.

And it's not just the kinky stuff either (though that's how we started all this...the two of us fooling around in my dorm, and me tying him to the bed...good times.) It's the whole package. Moreso than even before, during our first go, I *want* him to be submissive to me. I *want* to make decisions for him and guide him, and also to take care of him and praise him when he's earned it. I think that's part of why we never used the term slave, even when he was living with me and basically doing whatever I asked on a day to day basis. Pet comes with a natural connotation of care and protection that's really vital to us. Yes, I love the thought of coming home to find him with dinner on the table and the house in order, but I'm also going to make sure he *eats* that dinner, and gets enough sleep, and doesn't overwork if he's not feeling well.

But that's all sort of old-hat, we've always been like this. The recent desire to just, well, dominate the hell out of him? Relatively new. And fun. We've had a remarkable number of really good phone calls lately, let me say that much. And we're starting to plot all the things we're going to do when I see him in a few weeks. (I've stopped saying "if we can" or "if it works out", because I am going to assume that until proven otherwise...and unless it's completely impossible due to school or something, I'm not taking no for an answer.)

On a vastly unrelated note: piercings. We discussed them. I have the urge to get him some, but the places I want to put them...I'm not sure I could ask a piercer to do that without getting all red and ineloquent. Yet. But who knows?

In the meantime, I have other (less invasive) things in mind, and pet, if you're reading this, I want that measurement before the week's end.

That's all for now, just felt like getting the musings out.
 
 
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see_jack_top
07 April 2009 @ 11:40 am
And not just because it's how I met the boy in the first place, though it certainly doesn't hurt!

I'm planning to see him in a few weeks, assuming nothing comes up (he may be mine, but I put his schoolwork first, and it's keeping him quite busy). The last time we were together was January. It was a great visit, but we hadn't really gotten back into D/s like we're beginning to now. However, being able to talk online always helps the distance, and last night we had a bit of fun exploring some of our fantasies. I actually learned about one that I hadn't realized he had, which was very interesting - I thought we both knew it all by now! Then again, people aren't static, so some of this is undoubtedly new; I know that if I'd had a partner years ago who wanted me to hurt them, I'd have freaked out =)

In any case, it's good to have him calling me Master again, even if it's just through text right now. And we've schemed up all kinds of fun things to do when I get up here. I happily look forward to keeping a naked boy chained to my bed again. And hey, this time I have an apartment, with a kitchen and everything... one of the things he said he'd like to do for me started with cooking me a steak dinner (!!!) and moved on to some of the very few things on this earth that are better than steak. I have such a good pet. I hope he knows how proud I am of him.

Also been revisiting the notion of a full-time collar...he used to wear a chain with a lock, but it irritated his skin - otherwise I'm sure it'd still be on him to this day. Perhaps it's time for something a little more high-quality, no?
 
 
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see_jack_top
06 April 2009 @ 02:56 am
It makes me rather sadly nostalgic to realize there hasn't been writing here - or cause for it, perhaps - in more than a year. Now old inclinations are resurfacing and I predict this outlet will be a useful one yet again.

But first - whatever happened to the pet? The parents in Atlanta? The crappy job? The dorm room?

I'll try to make the recap as concise as possible. It's LJ, not my memoirs. (I tried to write this post last night, but it was 3 am and I'd recently taken my ambien...the results were less than eloquent.)

Here is the short version: Around Thanksgiving of...2007, I guess, the stresses of trying to live up here without a decent apartment, good job or college degree were finally too much, and pet went home to Georgia. He also went back to school, and despite some major-switching and transfer delays, it's looking like he'll graduate next spring - same time as me. I, meanwhile, plug steadily along towards my own degree. I've upgraded from a dorm to an on-campus apartment, which is great and makes the prospect of having him up to visit much more inviting. Right now, we're trying to plan such a visit in the next few weeks.

What about us? Three years and going strong. =) The more time we spend together, the more I love that boy. The distance hasn't been kind, and our D/s dynamic has fallen by the wayside entirely. For some reason lately I've really been missing it...and lo, here I post. I've been testing the waters in conversation to make sure he's still into it  - calling him 'pet', telling him what I want to do without making it a "we could" or a "maybe" - and he's warmed right up to it.

Assuming all goes well and I get him up here in a few weeks, I imagine it'll be a very interesting visit.
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see_jack_top
Things have shifted. They've cooled. I think it's out of a certain necessity, which is why it doesn't bother me often. pet has a job now, which means odd hours and a lot of achiness and exhaustion afterwards; that doesn't leave a lot of opportunity for even 'normal' sex, let alone anything involving locks and chains. He does still wear my collar 24/7, and I generally keep him leashed when he's home; I'll call him my good pet, and he'll usually take that as a cue and call me Master. But it's a lot more casual than it started out. We don't keep strictly to our initial rules, and I think I saw this coming.

Maybe it hasn't shifted as much as I thought, now that I really consider it. I'm still his Master, but where before I was playing out the Dominant side of that persona - now I'm more focused on the idea of Master as Caregiver. It might seem antithetical to some to think of a Master giving his submissive a backrub at the end of the day, and not the other way around, but it's simple - he needs it, and because I love him and want to take care of him, that's good enough for me. Our overall dynamic hasn't disappeared, it's just...adapted. That has to be a good thing. We just keep getting closer, you know? I really do think we'll end up married, and I am not normally one for lofty dreams about the future.

~

All that being said, onto the last "on ___" in the post title. pet and I are both doing NaNoWriMo. And you should too. I'm writing fantasy (I still boggle at that; I am so not a fantasy person, but I had an inspiration) and he's doing scifi (which is much more characteristic). Lots of outlining being done at this stage; the official kickoff is, of course, midnight October 31st. Seriously, join. It's going to be badass. Incidentally, should I start a writing journal? I'm debating it; I have a tendency to create journals and then orphan them, but it seems like a sane way of collecting some of my NaNo musings and pieces of the story.

~

That's about all there is to say for now; I'm interested at this point to see how our role dynamics continue to shift, especially as he gets more settled in this job and the non-D/s aspects of our life get back to feeling more normal - which I think gives leeway for things like power exchange and roleplay and the like. We'll see. Right now, I'm just happy to have him, no matter what the overall flavor of our interactions is.
 
 
 
see_jack_top
13 October 2007 @ 01:33 am
Tonight was...an interesting experience, to put it simply enough.

bri and I went to the drag show - not in dresses, as had initially been planned; we'll save that for drag bingo next week. I don't remember exactly what started it, but halfway through, he started acting up. Little things at first, being sort of cute and bratty - then getting more and more disrespectful. I'll admit that it was kind of funny - I wasn't really angry - but I did keep pointing out that he was going to get in trouble. I can only assume that's what he was after; he knew what he was doing.

And then he did. We came back to the room after the show, and I pulled off his pants, ordered him onto the bed, and started spanking him. We have a curtain rod laying around - a cheap thing, attempt at a spreader bar that didn't really work out - and after using my bare hand for a while, I gave him a few raps across the ass with that before going back to my hand.

he started crying - it'd probably be more accurate to say his eyes were watering - and at that point I tapered off and stopped, making myself say something like "now you won't do that again, right?" before easing back. I don't think I showed it, but I was honestly freaking out a little at that point.  he can be hard to read sometimes, and right then I had no idea what his reactions meant. He was curled into himself and didn't respond much when I tried to soothe him, which was scary - I told him I loved him, he responded in kind; I asked if he was okay and if he still trusted me, and he said yes on both counts. Still, there were a good few minutes where I just didn't know what was going on, if I'd pushed it too far or what. He hadn't tried to stop me at any point, and I know he's a masochist, but I'm not - which can make it hard to read what he's going through.

Finally, he started warming back up to me, snuggling, cracking jokes - things went right back to normal very quickly, and he reassured me that he was fine, that it hadn't been too much. I know I didn't do any serious physical damage, but the physical kind wasn't what I was worried about. Fortunately, he seems to be okay now, and we ended up having sex afterwards, which was great and every bit as affectionate as usual. So apparently no harm was done. Still - it was the most pain I've ever dealt him, and the first real discipline I've given him since we started this thing; I come away with mixed feelings. On the one hand, confidence; if he pulls this stunt again, I now know I am capable of keeping my word and punishing him, without causing real harm. On the other, it was...weird. Those few alienated minutes while he recovered were actually very scary for me.

Like I told him later on, I'd rather be nice to him. Hopefully we can keep his masochism to roleplay - somehow that feels safer - and he'll continue to be his normal, obedient self the rest of the time. All this being said, I'm off to crawl back into bed and try to fall asleep beside him.
 
 
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see_jack_top
12 October 2007 @ 01:42 pm
My pet has been asleep all day and is terrifically cute about it. If he weren't such a light sleeper, I'd sneak into bed and see how much ravishing I could do without waking him up.

Maybe that'll be a new rule: no pants on while sleeping. Not jeans, anyway. Too hard to get off.

-

Took him out in public on a leash the other day, which was...neat. Quite a few people at the gay-alliance meeting commented on that, but I sort of doubt it was seen as anything but goofing around. If only they knew.

-

Student drag show tonight! bri and I are probably dressing up.

-

What else...life continues to revolve mostly around trying to find this boy a job; we've set the unofficial deadline for him getting a place at Thanksgiving break. As much as I might like to keep him in my dorm forever, it's not really practical. It's just that if he doesn't get settled up here, the alternative is going back to his parents in Atlanta, which blows on so many levels. With any luck, it won't come to that.

-

Getting more on-topic for this journal...the whole Master/pet dynamic has been pretty interesting so far. I admit I've worried that I would alienate brian, that he would feel like he was being used or something, but he seems to really delight in pleasing me - and I delight in him being delighted, so everyone's happy. I'm getting more comfortable with my own role as well; I've always been the nurturing type, now I'm just more firm about it. I got him to open up and talk to me about something personal the other day, something I couldn't do without being assertive and ordering him to tell me, and in the end it was good for both of us.

In sum, life is good and bri needs a job. Anyone in the Rochester area want to hire a smart, friendly, and exceedingly good-looking boy?
 
 
see_jack_top
10 October 2007 @ 09:38 am
This journal was inspired by my pet; even the followers can lead. So I'll take the example he's set and do a little writing on what W/we are, what W/we have, what W/we share.

he wrote his devotions to Me. But this is no empty servitude or cold command; My pet is My beloved, the most precious person to Me, and I have him as my pet not out of selfishness but with gratitude and affection. his devotion is mirrored by My own, and so I submit my take on it, inspired by his.

1. I will guide My pet to the best of My ability, with his best interests always in mind. I recognize the responsibility that comes with My position, and in light of the trust he has placed in Me, I will always strive to guide him in the right direction.

2. I will cherish My pet, and never take for granted the gift of his submission. he acts under my will, but he is still a human being - a precious one. I will always try to recognize and appreciate his loyalty, and the trust he has placed in me.

3. I will respect my pet, for W/we were best friends long before W/we were Master and submissive. This respect may at times include discipline, or courses of action that hurt him in the short term, but I will act only for his benefit, to teach him and help him grow.

4. I will protect my pet with the loving care he deserves. he has handed control of his life to Me, and in turn I will guard this treasured gift. This includes protecting him from the outside world, from his own inner threats, and from Myself; I will never harm him in anger or violence. I will take care of him, and help him to take care of himself when I am not present.

5. I accept all the duties I incurred the moment I first fastened a collar around My beloved pet's neck. he may be the one in service, but I have responsibilities of My own - to protect, to guide, to cherish. I will praise him when he does well and reprimand him when he errs, for this will help him grow. I will teach him not to be a doormat or an object, but to be respectful and well-kept. I will be proud of his successes and help him learn from his mistakes. Most of all, I will remember that at the end of the day, no matter what else has happened, he is still My beloved pet, and he submits to me out of love and respect - love and respect which must be earned. Just as he strives to be a good pet, I will strive to be a good Master.
 
 
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